Manifest destiny…

Due to an alignment of sorts…

I spent some time in Ontario last week…

My initial purpose was to attend a holistic learning conference,

and visit some art galleries so I that I could see some of the contemporary First Nations art I’ve been learning about up close and personal…

The conference was less holistic than a Lionel Ritchie concert,

and I felt more at home up the road at CasinoRama,

in front of a slot machine,

than I did in a room full of academics TALKING about contemplation…

Perhaps you’ve never experienced this level of incongruency,

or had awareness of it…

But just like a horse,

my body is like a giant ear and a hyper sensitive bullshit detector all rolled into one,

and my needle went way into the red…

I had to keep telling myself,

just keep an open mind…

But my head was clamping down,

as if I were wearing a helmet that racheted tighter and tighter with every word…

How can one even begin to contemplate in so much noise???

My mind was quiet.

but I couldn’t get the affected meditation voice,

belonging to the self-identified Integral theorist to silence itself,

Now breathe…

Go deeper…

Breath into your belly…

Let go of the worries of the day…

With EVERY inhale and exhale…

Now breathe…

Deeper…

One part of me wanted to spit nails in her general direction,

another part of me slept in compliance,

like a good girl…

But the smartest part of me wanted to run,

like a fugitive who could no longer hold her pose…

That was the voice that won out…

As far as I can remember,

I have never been in a purely deciduous forest,

in the Fall…

And this one,

surrounding Lake Cuchaching,

was spectacular,

for running,

and hiding…

In a strange way I felt like I was right at home in those trees,

surrounded in a clearing of collective memories…

Once back in the city of Toronto,

at the Danforth subway station,

on the way to the Art of Gallery of Ontario which is CLOSED on Mondays,

I was swarmed by TTC police for going in through the out door…

They wanted to know why I had entered through the bus bay…

Couldn’t I read and didn’t I have any money????!!!!

I told them I wasn’t from this place,

and that I was overcome by a rising of momentary confusion,

and disorientation…

I said I was sorry…

They said,

Sorry doesn’t work in the eyes of the law…

I said,

I can see that…

I paid my fare and wondered on being a criminal for not knowing your way on one’s home and native land…

The next day at Pearson International,

when I was thankfully on my way back to the more familiar territory of the westcoast,

a woman sat down beside me and reached for the ball of yarn in my bag…

She asked me what material I was knitting with,

and remarked with such pleasure when I told her it was hemp…

It is so fine, she said, as she rolled the ball in her hands…

Then she told me a story,

about her sixteen year old son,

his dream of alpacas,

and how it came true…

I got a big shiver and started to cry,

hard,

like I was remembering something,

both old and new…

The women didn’t worry about my tears…

She saw them for what they were,

and continued her story…

Her son went to his grandma’s for dinner when he was twelve…

He sat beside a woman whom he had never met before,

and told her about the small barn on the acreage his family had just moved to…

She asked this twelve year old boy,

If you could have anything,

what would you want for your barn???

He said,

I want an alpaca…

She just happened to be a collector and breeder of prize alpacas,

and said to this twelve year old boy,

I’m going to give you two of mine…

(FYI: alpacas are super pricey…)

The woman followed through with her promise,

because she knew that he would love those two alpacas…

Now this boy is sixteen and has increased his herd up to 18 alpacas…

and two suris,

that he breeds and shows…

He has learned equine massage to care for his herd,

and I can’t wait to find out more of his story…

His mom gave me his e-mail address,

for getting connected,

to the shiver…