Kiss n’ cry…

I don’t have a television…

For the following reasons:

1) Most of what is on television is crap…

If you feel like you just ate a big bag of chips after a few hours of watching T.V. (some people won’t admit to this) your body is telling you something… You only have to be willing to listen…

2) When Starshine and Little Gem were younger I used the television as a babysitter so that I could take a shower, walk the dog, and meditate on a quick trip to Kauai before Iron Chef America was over… And when I wanted to turn the box off, so that we could eat, or talk, or play, they refused… I saw that the happy, vibrant children who sat down on the couch had vacated…

The de-programming it took to re-connect wasn’t worth the few hours of ‘freedom’…

3) Starshine and Little Gem quickly lost interest in Treehouse and almost exclusively watched the Food Network for quite a timet

Then used their knowledge to deconstruct what they saw me do in the kitchen…

Is there citrus in this dressing??? It is SO tangy.

Are you browning or sauteeing those onions?

You’re supposed to fold in egg whites…  You are definitely not folding… That looks more like a whipping…

The scrutiny was too intense, and I worried about a visit from THE Ministry…

I cancelled cable and drove the TV and VCR up the street to My Sister’s Closet…

We have not looked back…

Starshine even said, I thought I would die when you got rid of the T.V. but after a few weeks I didn’t  miss it anymore…

4) New neighbours moved in next door and they have the full home theatre system with HD… Plus they gave me the key to their house so we can watch the Canucks, and use the barbeque when necessary… Who needs that set up in your own house when you can enjoy it elsewhere…

Whenever the parents of my students complained about behaviour,

and sought advice,

the first thing I would ask about is television…

And I’d say that television needs to be eliminated,

before you can even start talking about moving behaviour,

in a more positive direction…

Some could commit to the program,

and quickly saw improvement,

in the overall quality,

of family life…

Others just couldn’t do it…

It is very hard to get off the pot,

but it is possible…

And one has to be aware of not substituting one addiction,

for another…

Now I watch how much laptop time is consumed,

not just by my children,

but also by myself…

At the moment we have a weakness for Battle of the Blades…

If you can cut through the cheese that obviously goes along,

with hockey players and ice dancers skating together,

there is something rather provocative,

about watching middle age men in satin,

and make-up,

challenge themselves by picking up women,

who aren’t easy…

I’m not sure what these guys are doing it for,

because it can’t just be for charity,

the publicity,

or for the money…

This is Canada and they’re on CBC…

Regardless,

I commend these retired hockey players,

a lot of whom have dirty reputations and NHL size egos,

for putting on figure skates,

and being willing to prance around Maple Leaf Garden,

playing air guitar,

in front of a live audience…

If Claude Lemieux can figure skate with the grace,

and dignity,

of a professional ice dancer,

in a few short weeks of training,

REALLY, anything is possible…

With my impeccable sense of timing,

and because I am willing to wait for just the right partner,

to complete his circling and land on my front porch,

I could become an Argentinian Tango street dancer by forty-five…

If I wanted to…

For the short time it appears on air,

Battle of the Blades is quintesessentially Canadian…

The judges are articulate and kind in their offering of criticism,

the participants are sweet and earnest,

the glitz and glamour are small town,

and sincerity of effort forms the bedrock of the production…

When Tie Domi grins like a Rottweiler puppy in the kiss and cry,

and Bob Probert chokes up for not making it to the next round,

you know they’ve finally found something that matters…

SOMETHING that can cure erectile dysfunction,

AND work wonders with the ladies,

without politics,

or a prescription…