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Break through…

March 5, 2010

This week teacher told me that she finally saw my inner flamenca during bata de cola class…

She told me to visualize a core of stability from my neck down to my pelvis…

She supported that visualization by running her hands along my shoulders,

and down my back to the base of my spine…

And it worked,

because not only was in my zone of proximal development,

I was ready for the next step in my learning process…

I,

of course,

wanted to know when it was exactly that she saw my flamenca…

She said,

The timing doesn’t matter…

Just be happy that it happened,

and I saw it…

Yesterday I was out in Port Coquitlam watching Starshine and her school friends in their three-on-three basketball tournament at L’Ecole des Pionniers…

With teams from every francophone school in the Lower Mainland packed into a small school gymnasium,

this was a good opportunity for me to re-test my mettle…

And it was a great chance to see how crazy enthusiastic my child is about sports…

On the drive home I told Starshine how surprised I was that she cheers so intensely…

I told her that I wasn’t like that at her age,

and I’m still not…

I tend to be a quiet observer…

She told me,

Mama, this is important,

of course I’m going to cheer…

It matters to me that my team wins,

and that the other team from my school won,

because we cheer each other on…

I’d noticed that…

Even when the boys were playing in another court,

I heard them and saw them watching the girls,

and calling…

ALLEZ les filles!!!

And the girls did the same for the boys,

only at much higher pitch…

Starshine and I went for a post-tournament gelato on Commercial Drive…

While we were sitting there,

and I was looking over Jeff Paterson’s column in the Georgia Straight,

I read this aloud for her:

But what makes Toews so special is that he is smart beyond his years and has a hockey maturity many simply never develop…

He competes hard,

is positionally sound,

and has a calmness about him that allows him to thrive in big game situations…

There is a sense that when Toews is on the ice,

only good things will happen for his hockey team…

Starshine said,

Do you think that I’m like that???

I sent her a message mind to mind,

and then I backed it up with a hard copy,

just so that she has something she can hold onto,

for when she needs it…

On our drive home she asked me,

out of the blue,

Mama, have you ever wanted dreadlocks???

I said,

No…

Never…

I’m not sure how you keep things like that smelling fresh…

It looks like way too much hair…

But I wouldn’t mind to get braids sometime…

And then on my way to Tangos por fiesta class last night,

a man was waiting for the bus in front of the dance hall…

He asked me,

You got dreads under your hat???

I just giggled inside and said,

No, mon…

and kept walking so as not to be late for class,

as he said,

Nice,

in that long drawn out Jamaicaman sort of way…

Sometimes I wonder what some people see in me,

and other times I could give a rat’s ass…

Today I stayed in bed all morning,

because right now I can,

reading about An Gorta Mor (the Great Hunger),

in Greener Grass by Caroline Pignat…

With all this history behind us to learn from,

why it is that we still find it okay to live in a world where some people have so much,

and other people have absolutely nothing???

And how is it that some people think it’s just business and their god given right to make their fortunes off of the broken backs of other people???

I have a series of re-occuring dreams…

One of them is that I find myself in all of these different places where there is so much food…

The most beautiful, deliciously prepared food I’ve ever seen…

Food spilling out of cupboards…

Food displayed on endless tables that run from one end of a palace ballroom to another…

And I am trying a bite of EVERYTHING…

I wake up from these dreams so full and satisfied that I don’t need to eat all day…

But this is a choice…

I have no idea what it is like to really go hungry,

and to feel like there is never enough,

for the rest of your life,

until you and your wife and all of your children die,

one by one,

or altogether…

Because this time around I have so much more than enough…

Through the storm we reach the shore…

Top secrets…

March 3, 2010

That’s where Clough was, a bit drunk, a bit lonely…

staring at saddles he’d never live to afford.

Gorgeous nubuck calfskin saddles in the milkiest browns of the spectrum…

Smooth as a lady’s inner thighs,

with pure merino wool sweatbands…

— in The Man Game by Lee Henderson

Sounds like,

smells like,

looks like,

a bellyaching Canuck fan…

More than once I’ve been on the receiving end of the words,

My needs aren’t being met in this relationship…

It is hard to tell people that you can’t give them what they didn’t get from their mother,

especially if you’re saying it to your mother…

But it is necessary…

And it is even more difficult to tell yourself that it isn’t your job to give it,

and then put a stop to the giving…

Weaning my children off the breast took less than a week,

weaning adults can be a lifetime project…

This smacks of the history of the Canucks and their fans…

I’m not going to name any names but I just heard a sportscaster say,

something like,

We’ve been waiting for forty years for the Canucks to win a Stanley Cup final…

We NEED a trade deal to make a better team,

because this one isn’t going to do it for us…

This sounds like a sour dried up marriage that you’ll hold onto your season tickets for…

Come hell or high water…

Just to spite yourself,

and your wife…

It isn’t the Canucks’ job to make you feel good,

it is their job to hockey showtime…

And that is what they do,

very well…

Remember how excited and happy every one was LAST Sunday after Team Canada won gold,

and then remember the crash Monday morning…

We’re still in recovery from our hangover on happy…

What would the morning after a Stanley Cup win look like,

smell like,

and feel like???

My guess is yesterday’s news,

acid indigestion,

and heartburn,

followed by some diarrhea…

Since I am still in the honeymoon phase of my relationship with the Canucks,

and this isn’t my first relationship,

I know that you need to look at what you are bringing to the equation,

before you enter it,

and you need to look hard…

Do you show up dressed for a date,

or like you just walked out of six months in the bush???

Is your approach fresh and fancy,

or is it full of dirty chi???

Because I have been mothering since I was in the egg I was always so preoccupied with the needs of everyone else that I didn’t know that I have needs too…

I’m growing quite a list…

And the more I learn about myself,

the more creative the list is getting…

My left eye is twitching due to strain from watching the Olympics,

so I listened to the Canucks play the Hurricanes in Raleigh, N.C. on the TEAM 1040 Tuesday night…

I sat down on the couch with my knitting,

my needs,

and a prayer for the highest good…

I said to myself,

I need Burrows and Wellwood to score,

and the Canucks to win…

and then they got it done…

I have big time faith in the current roster…

Plus now,

contrary to Buddhist recommendations,

I’m attached to it…

So I have been VERY happy with Trade Day,

and Mike Gillis’ lacktivity…

I suspect that Canuck’s management has some inside information,

and wisdom…

Information and wisdom that I am not about to leak,

or discharge,

in order to soothe anxieties,

with crystal ball promises…

I’ve been there and done that…

I’m going to put my efforts into showing up on time for an acupuncture appointment in order to relieve the energy of concussion that I have been experiencing,

empathically…

...like a storm in the desert... (photo: Little Gem)

Ovarian work…

March 2, 2010

I have five words for people who have the time to sit around with their hands down their pants complaining about how Roberto Luongo didn’t quite do it for them on Sunday…

He did it for ME…

In fact when I look back and reflect upon the whole turn of events in the gold medal game on Sunday I have to say it all worked out perfectly…

I couldn’t have imagined it better…

As soon as the second period was over I flew out of the lounge of the White Spot and headed West on Marine Way to pick Little Gem up from her birthday party…

I was still all discombobulated from my conversation with the sister…

Starshine could see it…

She said,

You’re grounded but I can tell that you’re still moving out of that other dimension you went into when you were talking to the nun…

Just keep your eyes on the road ahead of you…

I got to the birthday party and even though there was a brand new, large flat screen television with HD in the living room…

when I  hinted at the game…

the mother of the birthday girl said, sweetly,

We’re not that interested…

The young auntie of the birthday girl said,

My brother is watching it…

somewhere else…

And then as I was walking away she added,

I would like to teach you to belly dance…

This was another one of those wormhole type situations where I felt like I was with my people…

People from Iraq…

and I had to cry in the drive way…

The girls climbed into the car…

and waited quietly for the wave to wash through me…

Little Gem always says,

Cry Mama, just cry…

because she knows what I’m up to…

And then I drove north to drop her friend on Kitchener Street…

I’d already prearranged to finish watching up the game at this house…

With eight minutes remaining I saw Parise score to tie things up with 24.4 left in the game…

and then I had some time to relax in the break before overtime…

I took the time to talk hockey and freaky knowledge with my hosts…

and about how we were sure getting our monies worth out of this game…

And how fans had to stay committed or the city could get torn to shreds…

This was the first last period of a hockey game that this couple had ever watched together…

They’d never had any interest…

until I did a number on them…

By time it was all over…

with all the elements and execution of a fantastic flamenco performance…

the father said to the mother, with his french accent…

Maybe we should take the kids to a hockey game…

I made mention of the package deal the White Spot has going with the Vancouver Giants…

Their eyes got big…

like it had all been planned just for them…

Which brings me full circle…

If you are in the mood to complain about what did or didn’t happen LAST Sunday…

just take a look down at the chest that is sinking into your drawers…

and check to see if there is a gold medal hanging over your power centre…

WE could not have had a better experience…

The point glory on Team Canada was spread around because some held back and didn’t do what was expected of them by critics…

I didn’t have any expectations going into the game…

I just showed up to cheer in the best way that I know how…

living on a prayer for an outcome with the highest good…

And it was delivered…

at the 11th hour…

in real time…

I had a feverish dream... (photo: Little Gem)