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Owning up…

November 15, 2010

A screech greeting interrupted Little Fur’s observations…

She smiled up at Crow,

who was one of her best friends…

“Craaak!!! You not coming to Old Ones last night,” Crow scolded,

landing on a low branch so that he could glare at her properly…

“They are so full of angriness…”

Little Fur laughed,

coming to stroke his gleaming black feathers…

“What a bad bird you are to tell such lies…

Trees do not feel anger…”

“They missing you,” he amended sullenly…

“But we were not truly apart,

for the flow of earth magic connected us…”

— in little fur: A Fox Called Sorrow by Isobelle Carmody

I spend a lot of time sitting,

with the situations I find myself in,

wondering how I ever got into them,

in the first place,

and asking what it is they have to teach me…

Yesterday was double-barreled…

In the evening,

I got a call from next door,

checking in to see how I was doing,

after a morning strata meeting,

where I placed a bunch of cards,

on the table,

and was left with,

unfinished business…

What my neighbour said to me,

is this,

I don’t think people really understand,

how hard you’re working to be careful,

with how you say,

what needs to be said,

and accounted for…

It takes a long time for people,

to open up to your style of reasoning,

if they can ever get there at all…

I thanked her,

for sharing her perspective,

and said,

Letting go of pre-determined outcomes,

by holding a space,

for people to move into their maturity,

with grace,

takes deep trust in a bigger picture…

I have to believe that a resolution,

with no compromise,

is possible…

It’s just the way that I am…

And I’m willing to wait for it…

I’ve always wondered how someone,

goes about,

choosing the key player,

from their home team,

whom they not only want to follow,

but are also willing to carry,

on the back,

of their jersey…

Maybe what it is,

which draws us,

to stand behind someone,

is the mirror they hold up,

to ourselves,

and our own struggle,

to find purpose,

in an insane world…

With Kyle Wellwood now in Moscow,

playing for the KHL,

and Ryan Johnson,

nowhere to be seen,

I had to find someone new,

with the Canucks,

to recharge my attention’s momentum,

on hockey,

or it was about to go,

AWOL…

At first I didn’t exactly know,

how to go about it…

So I did the usual,

and centered myself,

in my own research…

After all this practice,

and a few minutes online,

the answer had me by the balls,

in the front seat,

of a purring automobile…

I’m a sucker for a man in armour,

who wears his heart on his sleeve,

and has also been told,

You’re not enough…

When a thirteen year old boy,

in the 1990’s,

is left off the roster,

for a showcase tournament,

in la belle province,

because the parents,

of his team mates,

would otherwise pull,

their financial support,

if he was included,

due to his mixed pedigree,

even when he’s as white,

as a Scotsman,

we know we haven’t,

come very far,

in Canada…

We can preach,

with all the bells and whistles,

about tolerance,

and remembering the fallen ones,

in our public school programs…

But when it comes right down to it,

if tolerance and acceptance,

aren’t practiced,

in the private sector,

of our recreational rooms,

while we’re playing the game of Life,

an old script continues,

right on track,

like a chip off the old block…

When I took on the two cats,

who are living with me,

I had no idea of the level,

of reflection,

I was in for…

I’ve never considered myself,

to be,

a cat person…

But the more I watch them,

and get to know their individuality,

and uniqueness,

and the more they settle in,

relax,

and reveal themselves,

the more complexity I see,

in their shooting stars…

Several times a day,

Little Gem and Starshine,

tell me,

Mama,

when we got home,

on that Sunday afternoon,

from Papa’s,

and we saw the cats walking around,

our house,

we couldn’t believe our eyes…

We love them SO much…

They feel like family…

Starshine tells me what she is learning,

about each cat,

Our girl is calm and wise…

She has a face and eyes like an owl,

taking everything in and trying to make sense,

of what she sees…

Our boy is shy,

and wild at the same time…

Everyday he loses some of his worry,

and his curiosity is contagious…

But my favorite thing,

is how he chooses me at bed time,

and stays with me all night…

It makes me feel safe…

What’s the same about them,

is their hunting expertise…

Have you noticed how they eat all the spiders,

and silver fish aren’t a problem any more???

Any mouse who tries,

to get through the door now,

better enter with caution…

I've been with you such a long time... (photo: Starshine)

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