Staple gun…

God had commanded all the animals who had been on board the Ark,

to dig out channels and pits for rivers and lakes,

once the waters had abated…

All the creatures started to work hard to accomplish the task,

except for the woodpecker,

who simply sat on the top of the mast and laughed at their endeavours…

As a punishment,

the woodpecker was commanded that it should forever more have to dig holes in order to build its nest,

and the bird would also have to cry out for raindrops whenever it was thirsty…

Indeed,

in France the ‘yaffle’ sound the bird makes is interpreted as ‘pluie-pluie-pluie’,

literally ‘rain-rain-rain’,

so the woodpecker really does seem to be calling for the heavens to open!!!

— in The Secret Language of Birds by Adele Nozedar

Four or more years ago I got call,

from out of the blue…

It was my former father-in-law asking me if I’d be willing to help him in his process of annuling his first marriage…

His second wife was raised United,

or Presbyterian,

I can’t remember anymore,

and had recently had a conversion experience beside the statue of the Virgin Mary,

while touring the new cathedral in Los Angeles…

Her rheumatoid arthritis was flaring,

and she would not rest until she’d been married in the Catholic Church…

He said he needed evidence that the marriage between his first wife,

and himself,

had been a mistake,

and should never have happened…

And when wondering who could offer up such confession,

for some strange reason,

I popped into his head…

I listened to his story,

and sat with the request for a moment…

After doing the long division,

I told him straight out that I couldn’t do it…

I told him that despite everything that had happened between myself,

and his son,

we have children together…

Children we both wanted,

and who would not be who they are if they had a different father…

Children who had chosen his son,

and myself,

to be their parents,

for the purposes of fulfilling destiny,

and healing history…

I told him that even though I was still in the process of reconciling,

the mixed feelings I had about my ten year relationship with his son,

if he’d had different parents,

he wouldn’t be the person he is…

Then I told him what I could do…

I told him that I would ask for the situation to resolve itself in a way that was best for all parties involved,

even if we couldn’t yet see what that might be…

I told him that I understood what he and his wife wanted,

and why,

and that some other evidence would surely present itself so that it could happen…

We said goodbye and hung up the phone…

He called me some time later,

and left me a message,

that it had all worked out…

The archbishop of the local diocese received an easy answer to the question,

and further testimony was no longer necessary…

Yesterday afternoon I took my big red car in for an oil change…

My mechanic is a funnyman…

I can hardly understand a word he says,

except for,

I do it for you cheap…

When I went to fetch my vehicle,

upon the completion of the work,

he wanted to talk about his power,

and demonstrated it on my little bicep,

with his index and middle finger…

See,

I only touch you light,

and you hurt so much…

I couldn’t get a word in edgewise,

to tell him,

I’m super-sensitive,

and I need to be handled with care,

because he was flooding me with the details of his weekly personal training program,

which includes a specialized form of karate,

Qigong,

tai chi,

and ballroom dancing…

I pay $65 per hour for private lessons…

Big money…

Here, I give you card for teacher…

He wanted to know if I dance…

I showed him a hip circle,

or two…

A rainbow,

some floreos,

and expression…

He said,

If you dance,

why you have stomach so big???

I watched my nerves,

and this comment didn’t hit one,

as I’d been desensitized over the years by hearing this many times before,

from parents of my students,

my mother,

and my former partner…

I told him,

I’m not a skinny man like you…

I’m a woman…

I have to have something on the front of me to balance out what’s going on behind me…

He looked around my curves,

and said,

Don’t worry about Air Care…

My machine say,

your car pass,

no problem…

Mr.Volvosubaru started throwing punches,

and hi-ya’s!!!,

as I watched him with fascination,

thinking,

Is this real life,

or am I on American Bandstand???

And where on earth is my camera man when I need him???