Maximum expression…

The first time you see the inside of the ear is a letdown:

the real machinery is hidden deep inside the skull,

encased in a wall of bone…

Once you open the skull and remove the brain,

you need to chip with a chisel to remove the wall…

If you are really good,

or very lucky,

you’ll make the right stroke and see it —

the inner ear…

It resembles the kind of tiny coiled snail shell you find in the dirt in your lawn…

— in Your Inner Fish by Neil Shubin

Failing to go in the circle during Bulerias por fiesta class is no longer an option,

it just happens…

Masterteacher points his long finger directly at us,

one by one,

and backing out would only mean that you have no balls…

I am a woman,

and I want the world to know that without any medication,

or surgery,

it just so happens that by facing my demons,

I am growing testicles…

And you can too…

This week,

after my solo dance,

I received the following feedback,

You have shown a lot of growth…

This is good because the week prior was a gong show…

Bulerias is like that…

It can come and go with the weather,

feeling like one step forward and two steps back…

But one needs to remember that you are never at the same place,

in the spiral of the dance,

even if it seems like it…

Two Saturdays ago Masterteacher explicated on the flamenco song…

He said,

You have to pelear con el cante…

Fight with the song…

You don’t want to be comfortable in a performance…

You want to take risks,

and use all of your resources to get your tone to the right place…

You want your voice to complain…

To break…

And you get this by singing an octave or two higher than where you normally go…

Right at the edge of your range…

Last week sometime Little Gem asked me,

Mama, was there anything that you really wanted when you were a little girl???

I told her,

I always really wanted a baby,

but I knew that I wasn’t old enough to have one…

So I asked for a dog,

and I had to wait until I was in grade seven before we finally got one…

Starshine called from the kitchen,

Well then you know what kind of a place that I’m in right now,

wanting a dog…

I said,

Could you please cut me some slack???

I’m still getting over the loss of our last one…

On Saturday afternoon Little Gem and I were walking home hand in hand from the park…

and she asked me,

Mama,

are you writing any poetry these days…

I told her that I try to make everything I do a poem,

and to have fun when I’m doing it,

like a Hawaiian song…

She said,

Mama,

poems are about love,

and beautiful things,

not testicles…

I said,

It all depends on your perspective…

In the right light,

even dark recesses,

can be coming up,

rainbows…