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Truth serum…

May 23, 2010

HOW TO USE THIS BOOK

1. Read in any order.

2. All exercises are open to interpretation.

3. Feel free to add, alter, or ignore.

4. There are NO rules, merely suggestions.

5. Treat EVERYTHING as an experiment.

6. Start with whatever makes you feel a twinge of EXCITEMENT.

— in How to Be an Explorer of the World by Keri Smith

Looking back,

I would say that two years ago today I felt like I would never laugh again…

Like I was so far down a hole of despair and sadness,

I couldn’t find my way out…

I just went along with it because I’ve grown up with Vancouver weather,

and I know how it can sock in,

and then how a high pressure system can push the clouds away,

and within minutes you can’t remember the last time it rained…

This morning I laughed so hard I fell off the couch,

and coughed up some lung jelly…

It wasn’t pretty but it was funny…

I noticed that due to mula bandha work I didn’t pee my pants…

After birthing two babies,

this was a major breakthrough of a perineal strengthening process…

Starshine reminded me to keep breathing while I split my sides…

Little Gem looked at me with some concern but smiled with relief when Starshine told her,

Mama’s going to be okay…

She’s just in hysterics…

Once I’d recovered I told them that I was so inspired by my morning reading,

that I was intending to take leave to Scotland for awhile,

to make my way in the world,

and experience pure golf,

on natural links created by a firth…

I said,

I’ll miss you,

but I’ll write,

all about it…

Little Gem looked concerned again,

Mama you’re not going to leave us and go to Scotland...

As I held her separation anxiety,

I said,

I’ll have to when the time is right,

but don’t worry,

I’ll send for you after I’m settled…

On Friday I fell into a wormhole while talking with the vice-principal,

after Little Gem’s swimming lessons…

While listening to his comparison between the San Jose Sharks and the Chicago Blackhawks,

I started to bang my fists on my chest…

I felt consecutive urges to swing on vines,

rub sticks together,

and sweat beer…

He felt it too,

but instead of going jungle,

or to a cave,

he went to his classroom,

and closed up the week with his class of grade threes…

The principal peeked his head into the conversation…

He’s a small man,

but he’s mighty…

He likes to fish,

and is a master at playing spoons…

He too felt the energy of sweating beer,

but he had to go back to his office,

and deal with the paperwork,

that is killing us all softly…

I have a lot of projects on the go right now…

The house is covered with fabric, ribbon, bamboo tape,

knitting needles,

and a Baby Lock serger…

I often,

but less and less,

get overwhelmed in what appears to be an absence of method…

And in those moments when my effort scatters,

and I feel like I’m losing ground on completion,

I pick up one thing,

and force myself to stay with it until it is finished…

Even if the task is only one sink full of dishes,

or replacing a lost button…

And when that one task is mastered,

I expand out of that contraction,

and reach further afield,

like a jellyfish pulsing through open waters,

with a heart of fire,

and lungs on wings…

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