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Soft favourites…

May 19, 2010

When the two boys had left,

she walked toward the lake,

listening…

At first,

all seemed quiet and still…

Then,

close by,

a small voice said,

“Sister, I am calling you…”

“Who said that???” asked the girl,

for she could see no one…

“Here… I am here…”

The chief’s daughter looked down to find a small frog in the tall grass…

“Oh my!!! How is it you use human speech???” asked the girl…

“I will show you…

Follow me to the shore of the lake,” said the frog…

The girl did so,

and suddenly it appeared as if a low door had opened before her…

but actually the edge of the lake had lifted up…

She walked under…

— In Frog Girl by Paul Owen Lewis

Yesterday,

Little Gem and I,

played Hang Man,

in a waiting room,

during Starshine’s acupuncture appointment…

A massage therapist who shares the office,

was coming in and out of her room,

trying to engage us in conversation,

while her client was waiting naked,

under a sheet,

in her work space…

She had all of the language down…

Energy work,

spiritual path,

emotional triggers,

deeper levels of healing…

I watched my body as she talked…

I felt a knot in my stomach,

constriction over the top of my scalp,

tightness in my chest,

aversion in my skin,

and double suction tubes in my neck…

As she kneeled on the ground beside me,

I was thinking,

Maybe you should be attending to your client…

She finally got up,

and as she walked away said,

We should arrange for a massage the next time you’re here…

My body firmly said no,

as I said good-bye and closed my door…

I’ve become very familiar,

with this pattern of feeling,

and now I don’t ignore it…

I listen to it,

because it is there,

to protect me…

I have learned to be very careful,

about whom,

I take my clothes,

off for,

and more importantly,

whom I’ll let,

into my field…

I’ve been caught,

with my skirt unzipped,

around individuals,

who are not clear,

about what they’re doing,

and why…

That is definitely not a safe place to be in,

but it certainly is a place to learn from…

Just because someone has a great looking card,

doesn’t mean,

they should be in the business…

Last year I had to go to a gynecologist,

for follow up,

on some intense and unusual abdominal pain,

that I was experiencing…

I specifically asked to be referred to a woman physician…

While I was waiting for the doctor,

in the examining room,

a young man,

the size of a hockey player,

walked in,

sat down,

introduced himself by his first name,

and then began asking me a series of questions,

starting with,

When was your last date of sexual intercourse???

He didn’t inform me as to whether he was a medical student,

or a resident…

The doctor to whom I was referred did not introduce him,

or ask me if it was okay,

for her student,

to begin the exam…

It was assumed by the authority of the white coat…

Often,

until we’ve had a bank of experiences to go on,

we don’t know that things aren’t okay,

until they’re over,

and some time has passed,

especially if we’ve been told,

from an early age,

that things happen to us,

because of what we’re wearing,

our personality,

or due to the colour of our skin…

I had a heads up in this case,

and I took the young man,

and the experienced woman doctor,

on a ride ,

that they were not,

prepared for…

At one point I was asked,

if I would submit,

to a pelvic exam…

If you’re a man,

and you’ve had to bend,

for a finger,

in a rubber glove,

I can guarantee you,

that’s peanuts,

in terms of invasion,

in comparison to a pelvic exam,

with,

or without,

a speculum…

I wondered,

what would be,

the purpose,

of that procedure,

given that there was already,

specific information,

from an ultrasound report,

about the size and dimension,

of what was being investigated…

The experienced doctor said,

Ultrasounds are not an exact science…

WE’d like to try and feel what is there…

Please…

How scientific is a big hand and some fingers trying to get a grip on a ovary through a vaginal wall???

I wasn’t born yesterday,

and neither was the medical student…

Even though he was probably young enough to have been one of my grade one students,

he got the inappropriateness of what was going on in that room…

I made sure to send a back-up message with my eyes,

and I took my business elsewhere…

You know the message,

has been delivered,

when a doctor is calls,

repeatedly,

from her rounds,

Just to check in and see if everything is okay…

My experience with doctor number two and her student was completely different…

Contrast teaches big time…

Not everyone feels comfortable to take their power and say NO!,

when they’re in a vulnerable position…

We’re collectively schooled out of doing so…

Anaethetized into compliance,

from day one…

While we finished up waiting for Starshine,

Little Gem asked me what we were having for dinner…

People with children know that this is an aggravation technique,

children use,

to test mettle,

on a daily basis…

I said,

Eggplant sandwiches…

They’re super delicious…

When Starshine came out of her appointment,

in a swirl of relaxation,

with little gold dots on her ears,

that she can press,

when she’s stressed,

I heard Little Gem whisper,

Guess what Mama’s going to make us eat for dinner…

It’s the worst ever…

Eggplant sandwiches…

Starshine laughed,

You’re funny Mama…

I said,

I’m not funny…

I’m serial…

As the three of us were in the car about to drive over the Cambie Street Bridge,

Starshine said,

I’ve never been to Wendy’s…

I’m all about making my children’s dreams come true,

so I drove straight into,

the parking lot…

They couldn’t believe it…

Sometimes the best way to cure a craving,

for fast food,

is to have some…

By the time we got through our burgers,

both girls said,

I feel sick…

I never want to come here again…

I said,

Why not??? This food is so tasty…

Starshine said,

It’s disgusting…

I think I’m going to vomit…

And Little Gem said,

The music is worse…

I can’t finish my food…

When we got home I told Starshine that I want her to tell all of her friends that we went to Wendy’s for dinner…

I said,

The last thing I want people to think is that I’m a hippy…

Going to Wendy’s will prove that I’m not…

She said,

What do you want people to think that you are???

I said,

A head banger…

If you don’t know what that is you can look it up on the Wikipedia…

As Starshine was falling asleep we were talking about the day…

I asked how she felt around the woman at the acupuncturist’s office…

She said,

She was weird…

I felt like she was draining me,

and everyone in the room…

And she kept asking me what card I pulled from the deck on the counter…

I had to tell her THREE times!!!

BOUNDARIES…

“It’s okay to keep your precious time and energy for yourself…”

Starshine asked me,

What card did you pull Mama???

RELAXATION…

“It’s okay to be lazy…

and ‘do’ nothing…”

Won't you smile a while with me...

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