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Baffle box…

December 6, 2009

Dear God, I love hockey…

It relates to EVERYTHING…

Yesterday morning the Canucks played a second period kind of like this…

I think…

But I’m no Shorthouse…

I barely know what’s going on…

Today after I put up my Christmas lights I’m going to start working on a map…

for how to get a puck into a net when you’re making $62.50 a second…

against a hockey team that is situated on land that can’t even make ice…

This morning, at the crack of dawn, I was in close proximity to the Garage…

watching nine and ten year old girls run around on solid astro-turf…

Love, is a burning thing...

These girls are hard core…

Today was sunny but the last few weekends they’ve played in a cold hurricane…

and although they didn’t win every game they played with a lot of emotion…

I could feel it…

After the game I wandered down Keefer for a little field trip to T&T Supermarket…

On the way to the seaweed aisle I threw a frozen mullet into my basket…

just for fun…

FYI: a frozen mullet is not the cryonized scalp of a hockey player who has donated his brain for concussion research…

it is a fresh water fish…

from Taiwan…

My blood is red with you...

But you should find out for yourself…

And I’m thinking about running a contest…

for the top mullet playlist…

I already have a prize in mind…

So get your entry ready…

First stop, frozen mullet…

Second stop, crabs…

An older man was weighing up his crab in the fresh fish department…

I asked him how he intended to prepare the individual…

He said, I steam it…

I said,

WHAT!@#%&%$&U(()*^^$#@&*(&*^????!!!!!

That is such a slow death…

He wasn’t sure what to say, kind of like you’re on Candid Camera, but he decided to go along with it,

You’re right, 10-15 minutes…

but this technique keeps the crab juicy…

I asked,

Don’t you hear the crabs screaming in your house???!!!!

He said,

You should get that lady to kill the crab for you…

if you think you can’t do it yourself…

I thought but didn’t say,

Listen pal, I know how to execute a crab…

I just get it done quick…

like there’s no tomorrow…

I know how to choose a crab, but I let him do it for me since he offered…

chivalry is not dead…

I noticed he felt a thigh…

just like the frat boys back at Expo ’86…

It feels so right... so warm and true...

At the checkout, the young guy behind me placed at least eight dozen eggs on the conveyor belt…

I asked him,

Where are you planning to throw your eggs???

He laughed and said,

Those days are over…

these are for breakfast…

One the way home I saw the pair of eagles sitting up on the church spire…

chatting about the weather,

and feeling good medicine…

Our dreams.. and they are made out of real things...

Then they flew off, together…

north-east towards the mountains…

On the last day of ski season…

in May…

I went up to Whistler with my dad for some fun in the sun…

I hadn’t been on the boards for more than four years…

and my iron levels were rock bottom…

But I made mincemeat out of him…

all the way from the top of the Peak Chair down to Mid-station…

with no leg-burn…

He was astounded…

He has a season’s pass and goes for a core strength workout almost everyday…

and he could hardly keep up…

He said,

It must be the flamenco…

I said,

Maybe…

There are two cylinders…

one inside the other…

and you have to work out both of them…

Outer core strength is nothing if your insides are weak…

I wonder,

with all the attention and experts working on their performance,

why the Canucks can’t seem to make a steady morning win…

Building a mystery...

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