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The General’s shower…

November 21, 2009

This afternoon I went to a charity event in my city…

for the first time…

And as we all know from hockey,

timing is everything,

especially when you’re waiting to sit on Santa’s lap…

I spent quite a bit of time in the children’s Christmas craft room,

up on the second floor…

In the craft room there is a closed door…

I asked if I could sneak a peak,

into that space behind the door…

The lady in charge said,

No!!!

It isn’t open…

Something must have happened in there last year…

You can’t go inside…

I never take no for an answer…

I worked her over a bit with my dumb clown routine,

and before I could say Bob’s my grandfather,

Tah Dah,

open sesame…

Clue #1:

Life is a highway...

Silly Rabbit,

this has nothing to do with beer…

Clue #2:

I'll stand if you want me to...

Nope,

not a jail cell…

But you’re gettin’ warmer…

Clue #3:

When there's nothing here but my old piano...

I didn’t know that it was appropriate to use words like liver spray,

needle,

douche,

and bidet,

back in 1911,

let alone wash with them…

Clue #4:

Mississippi in the middle of a dry spell...

Silly Rabbit,

tricks are for kids…

Clue #5:

Is it magic that makes you appear???

And in through the saloon doors…

Don’t worry they are made of glass,

not smoke and mirrors…

These eyes cry every night for you...

This is NOT the Canuck’s locker room…

But I had a dream that I was in there once,

taking a look around…

Too smelly…

Just kidding…

Not enough yang…

Now I’m just goofin’ around…

Right next to the craft table,

a few inches from the DO NOT ENTER door,

there was a garbage bin…

And since I was already looking in all the wrong places,

I took a glance in there and pulled a dozen red roses,

and the Sports section out of the black hat…

Vancouver Canucks+H1N1=queue jumping???

Not a smooth move…

Note to Kyle Wellwood:

Buddy, Who’s Your Daddy is losing patience in this performance-based business…

I have no idea how professional hockey works but the other day I was over at Frank and Prudence’s house flipping through a book on hockey plays, and I got all weak in the knees…

Some might call this too hippie for hockey,

but if I may suggest,

as a prophylactic to you getting benched for not producing,

ask for a dream to help you figure out what you need to do on the ice,

and just when you are falling asleep,

ask yourself to remember the dream…

When you wake up,

make a note to self…

Then the next time you get a chance,

don’t resist,

just do it,

properly…

This may take some practice,

but you’ve got time,

and if you can figure out how to get into the NHL this should be a piece of cake…

And more importantly remember that you are playing your home games in a stadium that has been built on unceded territory,

in a jersey sporting a killer whale logo…

No image is neutral,

so use this power for good…

As part of your prescription for a playing a better game you may want to consider having some conversations with Great Spirit,

in the name of recognition and respect…

You don’t have to tell anyone,

we can keep this our little secret…

Tell it to me slowly...

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