Skid marks…
An English word I admire is “reclaim”…
It means “to bring back, to return to a proper course”…
When I learned Objibway I reclaimed a huge part of myself…
It wasn’t lost, I had always owned it;
it was just adrift on the great sea of influence that is the modern world…
Like a mariner lost upon foreign seas,
I sought a friendly shore to step out on so I could walk again…
My language became that shore…
For me, peendigaen, “Come in”,
meant I could express myself as who I was created to be…
That’s what this journey is all about—
to learn to express yourself as whom you are created to be…
You don’t need to be a native person to understand that…
— in One Native Life by Richard Wagamese
Starshine called me tonight after returning from a father-daughter camping trip on Mystic Beach…
She said it was so much better than she thought it would be,
and she really loves camping because it is so relaxing…
And she realized how much she loves her sister…
I hardly thought about her while I was away,
but when we got to Granny’s and she jumped up into my arms,
I felt how much I love her…
I never felt that way about my sister…
I felt wholly responsible for her,
but I also spent time working out a plan for dispatch…
July 1st I was riding around the Stanley Park seawall,
and I had to slam the brakes on my ten speed in front of the Fish House,
otherwise I would have driven right over Martin Sheen…
Holy Hannah,
what is the world coming to???
Today I was restless,
and wondering…
So I stayed home and made some jelly…
Raspberry and orange hot pepper with cranberries,
and strawberry-rhubarb conserve with lime and ginger…
Perfect for home-made bannock…
I loved making bannock as a little girl…
But I didn’t learn how from an elder…
I was taught at school as part of the grade four curriculum,
and this knowledge stayed with me,
or reminded me of what I already knew,
locked up inside…
But I haven’t done it for awhile…
So now with the right condiments,
the time is nigh,
and I’m coming home…
Tonight I went for a roller-blade,
five kilometers deep into the Seymour River valley,
and then walked my usual loop down to and along the river…
There was no one else there except for the birds,
and the smell of the river which filled me,
with memories of my fish body…
On the drive back to town I saw a barred owl,
sitting in a tree right by the side of the road…
Barred owls are the champion vocalists among their species,
and although they appear to be threatening,
they are quite harmless…
I stopped my car,
and rolled down my window to feel its medicine…
A subtle wave of it washed over me,
fleshing out corners of prophecy and wisdom…
Walkie talkie…
The soul of a nation is in its people,
and the spirit of Canada is sublimely diverse…
Our differences make us stronger,
but what pulls us together,
ties us into a shared destiny,
is the straining of our human hearts—
the secret wish for a common practical magic…
— in One Native Voice by Richard Wagamese…
On June 29th,
the last day of school,
I took Starshine, Little Gem and their two sisterfriends,
strawberry picking out on Westham Island…
Strawberries aren’t at their best this year,
but it’s still fun to sit in the dirt,
and sweat from the fruit of your labour…
We got to chatting with a couple who moved to Ladner since 1972,
and haven’t looked back…
They don’t like how Richmond is starting to spill into their wide open spaces,
and they wondered what brought me to living where I do,
and how I can grin and bear it…
I told them that I’m ready to leave my neighbourhood at any time,
but what brought me there was my love for old houses,
and diversity…
I’d be hard pressed to find any of that southwest of the George Massey tunnel…
They finished up their picking and wished us luck with ours,
complaining the whole time about the water in the berries…
When Little Gem was a baby,
The Power of Now by Eckhart Tolle had already sifted through the ether,
and was well on its way to becoming a bestseller at Costco…
I have to laugh when someone describes themselves as a person who lives by the principles,
of the Power of Now…
You can see this everywhere these days,
and it is very funny,
when put it in perspective,
and you see the same person claiming to live by the principles,
chasing the dragon all over town…
I never really got what Eckhart was talking about,
and why he had to go on about it for so many pages,
until my children both got the chicken pox over Christmas…
They were the last two children in their family daycare to come down with it,
and as a result had got the worst of it,
exacerbated by impetigo…
In this vaccination culture,
when your children become infected with something,
that they shouldn’t have gotten,
if you were a responsible parent and had just got their shots,
the official policy is,
your children will be excluded…
My sister is one of those people who finds her son is extra precious…
I wouldn’t want him to be exposed to your sick children,
so you can’t come for Christmas dinner was what I heard over the phone…
That was fine with me…
We had a great time at home by ourselves,
sitting in oatmeal baths,
and watching Maisy…
Sometimes it takes more than chicken pox,
and impetigo to get the principles of the Power of Now to sink in…
I obviously hadn’t received enough of a message because a couple of years later,
thirty minutes before the stroke of midnight,
on New Year’s Eve,
as we were brushing our teeth,
Starshine said,
Mama, it feels like if I don’t scratch my head I’m going to die…
Starshine has more hairs per square inch than a sea otter…
There’s nothing like a head full of nits to bring you right into the present moment…
And there’s no where you can go because nobody wants you or your vermin anywhere near them…
In our house there is more than enough hair to start up a wig-making factory…
Hand combing three heads of hair,
strand by strand,
every day for the duration of an infestation,
is heavy duty business…
And when done well,
this process develops one pointed attention,
without any need for meditation retreats,
yoga weekends,
or an ashram in India…
But not everyone is willing to drop everything,
and listen to the music…
Sounding board…
“She’ll bite you,” Aunt Peg told me, “and she’ll kick…”
But there was something about Dimples that drew me…
I knew nothing of horses or ponies,
but at thirteen I understood the feeling of being displaced, lost, and frightened…
I saw that in her, and I started to visit her…
The day I touched her for the first time was magical…
She shivered, twitched…
I kept my voice low,
moved slowly and rubbed her flank…
I could feel her anxiety,
but the more I stroked her the more she calmed and settled…
Within days she let me curry comb her mane and tail,
all the while talking soft and low…
Riding Dimples was pure joy…
We walked around that forty-acre field for a couple of days,
and she relaxed…
Soon, I was courageous enough to push her up to a trot…
And one day,
after a week of this,
she cantered for me…
Coming back one evening she broke into a full gallop…
It scared me at first,
then filled me with glory…
— in One Native Life by Richard Wagamese…
When I was growing up I wanted to be a 747 pilot,
or a boxer…
My mother told me I should be a dental hygienist,
and she had some reasons why…
I never listened to her reason,
if I could help it,
because it was full of holes…
But my father must have heard her,
or been behind the message,
because the first and only other woman he’s been with,
since my mother,
is a dental hygienist…
When I was in my undergrad at the University of British Columbia,
finishing up a double major in Psychology and Family Studies,
the women professors were encouraging me to go on and seek an academic career,
in Family Science…
When I went to talk to one of the two male professors in the department,
he leaned back in his chair with his hands behind his head,
showing off his cowboy boots and big shiny buckle,
and told me I should forget all about it,
and become an elementary school teacher,
because in the end I’d make more money,
and have my summers off…
I sent him the middle finger,
but something in me remembered what I’d wanted,
when I was six…
I eventually became an elementary school teacher,
but I came to it through the back door,
by following an invisible red thread,
that was leading me to what I was created to be,
and what I loved to do…
Through an alignment of circumstances,
patience,
and waiting,
I ended up teaching environmental education programs sponsored by BC Hydro,
in elementary school classrooms across the Lower Mainland,
and up both coasts of Vancouver Island…
I was never so happy and comfortable as I was,
in those classrooms,
surrounded by other people’s children,
and that is how I knew…
Last September I found myself talking to a horse…
I could hear what he was telling me…
He sang Coldplay songs…
He nodded his head when I talked to him,
and when I was telling the other people in the group what his core messages were,
he put his foot down for emphasis…
And his final message for me,
before I walked up the hill away from his field,
was,
I hope that today you have learned never to doubt yourself,
and what you know…
I told my father and his dental hygienist about this magical experience…
They couldn’t go there…
I felt sad for them and the safe box they live in,
with all of those other people…
I tell my children that there are people in the world who will try to grind you down with their fear,
and their faulty logic…
And to remember that you drew them into your life,
to learn something…
But more importantly,
your life is your stage,
and you are a bright star…
Your connection to your true self,
is all you will ever need to shine…
Last week,
when I was picking up a ticket for the mariachi band,
at the neighbours,
the wife said to me as she walked me to my bicycle,
All men are the same…
They aren’t complicated…
There’s nothing wrong with that,
it’s just,
they can’t talk about anything deep…
I begged to differ,
and I wanted to say that I wish a lot of women,
would stick a sock in it…
But I saved my breath,
and on my ride home,
added up the times I’ve met women who must be of some other species…
Like the mother of one of Starshine’s schoolmates,
who left a message on my voice mail in the pitch of a Siamese cat in heat…
All giggly about how much fun it was to sit on the school bus beside me on the field trip,
and could I please bring my cream puffs to the teacher’s luncheon on Friday…
Stroking my cheek in the library with the back of her hand,
and cackling,
I’ve been talking all about you while we’ve been preparing lunch,
and I’ve made you a new friend…
Or the ex-partner of my friend since Kindergarten who,
right out of her break-up,
called to say,
I’m sitting in the sun on the deck of my sailboat,
eating the most delicious juicy peach ever,
and I thought of you…
When things like this happen,
sometimes I have to laugh,
and other times I have to wonder what planet I’m on…
I don’t know how many times I’ve had to let someone know,
I really don’t like cold wind…
and,
Sorry, but my Volvo is not a convertible…
We shadow box and double cross, yet need the chase...
Canuck'd 